Home > just me, The Bar > excuse me, but can I have my life back?

excuse me, but can I have my life back?

July 27, 2008

I keep watching that countdown over on the side there, and wanting it to go faster.

Because as long as there are days left on the damn thing, I still have time to study. And I don’t want to study anymore. I want to stop studying. I want to take the damn bar exam, go out for a couple of bottles of wine and a steak, spend the next day at the spa, the day after that shopping, and then go on my first real vacation in four and a half years.

What’s funny is that the bar has become this final hurdle before I can take my life back. After the bar, I’ll be able to do things I haven’t really done since before law school. I’m not saying I was always the most diligent at studying or at keeping up with my obligations—lord knows I procrastinated my fair share!—but I always felt like Law School was looming over my head. I haven’t enjoyed life enough, I don’t think, for the last few years because I always knew that when I came home from enjoying life, I’d have work to do, work I could have done yesterday.

I don’t think real life is going to be much different in most respects—I will always have things to do that loom over me and they will probably consume more of my time than law school ever did. But real life will differ in one key way: it will be separate. When you’re a student, you don’t have an office or a boss or a set schedule in any real sense. The work is always there and you always have to get it done, and you will always take it home with you. I am sure I will have days where I bring my law firm work home with me, without a doubt, but I also think having an office and a boss and a set schedule will make me less likely to live my work. If I have to work on a weekend, OK, but that work will be determined on an as-necessary basis—working on Saturday will be my choice rather than a requirement ((Yes, I know, this sounds pretty naive. I realize that there will probably be stretches of my career where working on Saturday WILL be the norm because of the matters I’m working on, and I am OK with that, to a certain extent. The point is that, pretty soon, work will be a place I GO TO rather than a state of mind.)) I can get back to enjoying cooking as a process rather than as something to rush through so I can eat and get back to work. Mr. Angst and I can go to the beach, take the dog on long walks, hang out and enjoy each other.

So that’s why I want to get the damn test over with. Because I’d like my life back.

Categories: just me, The Bar
  1. LL
    July 27, 2008 at 3:56 pm

    I second all of that. I know work will bleed into my life to some extent and I’m okay with that, but deadlines and assignments and an office will also allow me to pace myself and leave work in the building when I go home. With studying you can ALWAYS do more, you’re never really done until the exam is over. With an assignment, it’s finished and limited by the amount of time you’re allowed to bill on it (no more perfection, it’s all about good enough). I am looking forward to this.

    Good luck this week!

  2. July 27, 2008 at 6:34 pm

    I’ll third that… It’s been a *long* four years. It’s really weird to think that just working a full-time job will feel like a vacation!! But I am *so* looking forward to having my life back.

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