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row, row, row MY boat

September 16, 2007

I guess I just don’t write here anymore—or anywhere, for that matter. Which is a shame, because I’ve had this post in my head for a few days that I really want to get down, but haven’t had time. There’s just so much going on—my 30th birthday, clerkship nonsense, the rest of my life looming before me—that I should be writing about it all, but I just haven’t been able to. I say it’s the time thing, but frankly I do have time to sit down and knock out a post. I just haven’t been able to mentally.

That’s sort of the theme for this semester so far. I haven’t been able to do much. I’m not exactly behind in my work, I’m just not working at a pace that will allow me to stay on top of things for much longer. I’m just in the grip of stasis—I don’t want to work, I don’t want to not work, and I end up just sitting in front of my computer flipping between Google Reader and Facebook, neither of which has anything new to look at. Is this senioritis? Or is it something more sinister? Am I losing myself? I’m starting to get worried that all the vaunted perspective I came into law school with has been destroyed, or at least buried, under the expectations and advice of others who are not me, are not in my circumstances, and don’t really have much to offer me in the way of expectations and advice.

It’s hard, in other words, not to get wrapped up in what everyone else says Should Be, when only I can decide for myself what Should Be—and what, if the Should Bes don’t pan out, Will Be. I dislike having little direction, so I worry that I’ve been taking direction from people who don’t really know how to steer my particular ship.

OK, that’s enough of the painful metaphors.

Basically, I’m feeling a little lost right now. It’s made it hard for me to work, it’s made it hard for me to write, and I’m ready to get past it. Here’s hoping I get past it.

Categories: 3L, just me
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