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a little more of a downer

October 10, 2006

Mr. Angst and I are going out of town this weekend–going home, as a matter of fact. And since I realized, last Friday, that our weekend trip was in fact this weekend, I have been completely and totally preoccupied.

All I want to do is get out of town. I want to see my family, I want to be home in Our Old City, I want a BREAK from where I am right now. I’m afraid I’ll have a lot to do, though, and that I’ll have to give up time with my family and in my city so I don’t end up falling behind, missing deadlines. I’m afraid the weekend will end up being more stressful than it should, and that what I really want–to spend time with my family and friends, relaxing and getting away–is not something I can even hope for.

Look, this semester has been hard so far, and it’s only one-third over. Of course, thank GOD it’s only one-third over, because if it were any later in the semester, I’d be TOTALLY SCREWED. Anyway, point is that I’m doing the ups-and-downs thing–sometimes things feel smooth and I feel like I’m getting things done; sometimes, like today, I feel like I am just not capable of getting anything done in the time I’m supposed to be getting it done.

Going out of town this weekend, then, could be a good or a bad–it could be a chance for me to get some perspective, see how the pieces of my semester are fitting together, etc. It could also just be the catalyst for more stress, if I don’t get enough done before/during to keep from being behind. I just don’t know. I know that it’s really hard to concentrate right now, because I just want to be home. And it’s hard to be happy here when I keep thinking of there as home.

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