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wakey, wakey

July 21, 2006

Here’s what it is.

Sometimes my brain just won’t shut up. This isn’t news to me or anything, it’s just fact. It’s also a fact that the times of day my brain most likes to ramble are at bedtime and wakeup time. So, when I’m trying to go to sleep, my brain will not shut down; in the morning, if I’m trying to snooze, it will go into overdrive.

During the big part of the move, my brain would not shut up. But that’s all done now and, for the last few days, i’ve actually been able to go to bed early with no problems–and sleep in with no problems. [I was starting to think I had lost my touch when I comes to sleeping. Used to be I could sleep all day. Lately, I’d been waking up before the alarm and couldn’t go back to sleep. I thought I was becoming my mother. I may, in fact, be becoming my mother, but I am not ready to start waking up at 4:30 am just because.] So I was pleased — I was clearly comfortable enough to relax in our new apartment, I was getting more rest, my brain didn’t seem to be freaking out about anything in particular.

Until this morning. And this morning was strange. Instead of going into overdrive because of something specific going on (like painting, packing, etc.), she just took off without any direction. First, I started thinking about my reading for class next week and how I hadn’t done it, and how I needed to email a couple of people about an assignment and I worried I had procrastinated too much on it. Then I started worrying about a work assignment that has no deadline, thinking I had been sitting on it for too long and recognizing that I still have half of the project left to complete. Then I started worrying about the bills–and when I start worrying about the bills, I know it’s time to just get up because nothing else will silence my mind.

So all of that is to note that I was up before I wanted to be today.

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