Today was supposed to be a good day. I had a bunch of stuff to do, but none of it needed to be done at school, so I could stay home and work. It’s finally sunny and not schizophrenically rainy-cloudy-sunny-cold-hot, so I hoped to get some sun. And we have a fun party to go to tonight.
So why was today NOT a good day?
1) I went to the roof to work and get some sun–just in shorts and a tank top, so I didn’t bother with sunscreen or a swimsuit. Within ten minutes I was being eaten alive by FLEAS. Back inside for me.
2) The work I am doing didn’t take me as long as I thought it would, so I spent the latter part of the afternoon struggling to fill my hours. Not that there’s not stuff to do, it’s just not the fun stuff. I had hoped the fun stuff would last a little longer.
3) I managed to piss of Mr. Angst. I didn’t mean to, and I’m still not sure why I reacted the way I did, when I pissed him off, but I don’t think any of that matters. So now we’re both unhappy and feeling off, and yet we still have this party to go to, and I am pretty sure the party is going to be no fun for either of us.
The day started out with such promise, and I don’t think I realized how edgy I was until I reacted to Mr. Angst (the Pissing Off Incident–the details of which would sound so ridiculous that no one would ever believe it was the cause of all this angst). I blew off a little steam–steam I didn’t know was building up–and I blew it off possibly in the wrong way. But usually when I pop off, I feel better afterward. I don’t now.
Honestly, I don’t know what’s going on with me. I just feel stupid and small and not right, and I don’t know how to change it.
A group of children (with two adults) just came tiptoeing through the library. I have no idea who they were or how they got in, since everyone has to swipe a card to get in. I guess the circulation people must have let them through–but why? There are a lot of people in the library lately, what with the summer term having started, as well as all the research assistants being in the thick of work.
I’m a little weirded out. If they had been prospective students, that would have been one thing. Or even college students. But they were in the 9-to-11 range.
Come to think of it, that’s the second group of children in that age range I’ve seen out and about during the week. I guess the week before July 4 is a popular vacation time. Yesterday, while I waited for my train, five kids and three parents swarmed the platform, in shorts, sandals, and at least one fanny pack. The dad was showing two kids how to read the train map, while a third one played on the dirty ground (and his mother admonished him not to touch his face after that, upon which he promptly picked his nose). And I thought then, what are these kids doing here? It’s a WEDNESDAY! I mean, yeah, they don’t have school, but don’t their parents have to work? And if the parents are on vacation, why this week?
Maybe it’s just that we always took our vacations over July 4 week, or in August. I guess in my mind, you need either a national holiday or the impending threat of school starting back up to warrant a week playing tourist.
I still don’t know why any kid on vacation would want to wander through the law library, though.
Today, I’m working on some proofreading. I haven’t gotten to proofread in a long time, and I forgot how soothing it can be. It’s the best kind of proofreading, too–the kind where you don’t have to worry about substantive content (because that stuff has already been done), and all you have to do is read each word to make sure it’s spelled right, check for curly quotes, commas, spacing, and–best of all!–conformity to style.
And no, I am not being sarcastic!
Because, yeah, I hate the Bluebook when I have to figure out how to make my own citations conform and there’s no rule. But when I’m just double-checking someone else’s work, sifting through the Bluebook (or the Chicago Manual of Style, and YAY, I get to use my very own copy of it, finally), it’s nice. Soothing, like I said. It’s not boring or mindless, but it’s not super-challenging, either. It’s the kind of welcome break my brain sometimes needs.
Westlaw is about to shred my last nerve.
And before you all go getting clever, telling me to use Lexis, let me note that the vast majority of the journals I’m likely to find good material in are not available on Lexis. Because that’s how much Lexis hates me.
I really like my insurance company, I really do. But I’m perplexed at the fact that, even though the company doesn’t do commissions, every time I call, I get the upsell from whoever I’m talking to. EVERY TIME.
Sigh. At least I’ve taken care of all the necessary address changes, policy changes, and whatnot, so our stuff will be covered during our move. And after our move. And I set up our utilities. So after a couple more address changes, we should be all switched over. Which will be a relief.
Oh, and sentence fragments rock.
Somehow, I thought I’d have more time this summer. I thought that, since I can do my work whenever (and mostly whereever) I want, I’d go to the pool more frequently, or be more productive at home with the packing, or just spend more time doing things.
What I have discovered is that I am not a person who really does things. I need a motivator to do something. Last night, Mr. Angst and I did something–we went out, in other words–but that’s not the sort of thing I’m talking about. No, I’m more talking about getting out of bed and deciding to pack a box–because I can!–or putting on my sneakers and going for a run. What do I do instead? I pick up my computer, and stare at it for hours at a time.
I don’t want to suggest that law school turned me into a couch potato, or a computer-head. I really was those things before. But law school has not really forced me to NOT be a couch potato or a computer-head. My work is almost all on the computer. I read the news on the computer. I look for a Thai place that has kao soy on the menu on the computer. I don’t have much impetus to get up off my butt.
This week, my goal is to spend less time on the computer. If I am at home and TV sucks and I am bored, I will pack boxes. If I am at school, on the clock, I will waste less time checking my email and reading blogs. That will give me more time to go to the pool if I want, to take a walk, to put on my sneakers and go running.
I don’t like not having a routine, and I am not good at disciplining myself into a routine. But I’m going to step up my efforts this week.