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butterflies

April 6, 2006

Last week, before opening night of the law school musical, I met Mr. Angst for dinner. But I wasn’t hungry–I felt nauseous (or nauseated, if you will). I figured I was a little hungrier than I thought, ate my veggie burger and fries, and went off to get into hair and makeup. I was a little low-energy that night, but things went off without a hitch, so all was well.

Well, this evening, I feel the same way as I did last week. (Oh, wait, it’s not evening yet. This afternoon, then.) My tummy is upset, I feel lightheaded. It’s not pleasant.

But at least I’ve figured out what’s causing it. It’s nerves.

I haven’t feel this sort of performance nerves in a really long time. Maybe I’ve managed to do that by keeping out of situations where I have to do something All By Myself. After all, all the choirs I’ve sung in for the last six or so years have been, well, choirs, and I haven’t really been singing all alone. And I haven’t done any plays or public speaking in the last six or so years. Frankly, I’ve avoided all of that like the plague, telling myself I’m better as a team player (in a choir) or better at behind-the-scenes stuff (with any sort of performance). Even the few times I’ve sung by myself, I’ve done so at family weddings, where I wasn’t really worried about criticism or negative reactions.

But last week, I was in the spotlight, and facing a possibly hostile audience. (OK, I knew they wouldn’t be hostile, but the jokes could have fallen flat.) I mean, I didn’t have a big part in the law school musical or anything, but it was the first time I’d acted since my senior year of college, yea so many years ago. And tonight, I’ll be on my own again, arguing in moot court–and this time, I know the audience could be hostile, or at least confrontational. Argh!

I don’t really have any reason to be nervous. I know my argument. I (almost) have my intro memorized. I’ve read over some questions our class brainstormed for each side and I’ve read my opponent’s brief. I feel pretty good about being able to address any question that comes my way, as long as it stays within the scope of the legal argument. (I don’t know if my answers will be the “right” ones or if they’ll be convincing, but I think I have a handle on what I need to say.)

But still, the tummy, it flutters.

So I don’t really know what to do about that, short of making my dinner, eating it, and getting my little tushy up to campus to face the judges. It’s just strange, that I didn’t recognize the flutters anymore.

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Categories: 1L, just me
  1. April 6, 2006 at 7:21 pm

    Good luck! Or, if it’s too late for that, how did it go?

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